Disconnect on the screen and in the world

Snuggle Me
From Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings
©2012McVicker&Hersh, LLC

Like you, the tragic event of this past friday at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT weighs heavy on my heart and mind. This senseless violent act, shatters all the families who lost their loved ones as well as the community- who will never be the same. The collective grief which President Obama addressed in his speech last night conveys the love and support we are all sending this small town. The outcry of everyone- parents, sisters, brothers- demonstrates our ability to love and be compassionate to one another. 

So where is the disconnect?  Why is our nation plagued with so many of these horrific actions taken by young men - all children of parents who are also dealing with loss and grief?

This is the cancer that no one is talking about. Violence, that is permeating our culture in the media and entertainment in the form of video games.  My kids claim they are the only ones of their friends who don't have Black Ops, Call of Duty, Halo... etc.  I know that isn't true, but I do know that our household is in the minority.

Many times over the years when my sons were younger and I would drop them off at a friend's home to play I would ask the parent that the boys not play any of those violent video games. Often, the mom would confide in me that she doesn't like those games either but that the father or dad thinks they are fine, or likes to play them with their son.  It hasn't been easy keeping them out of the house. It's an ongoing conversation but one that I stand my ground on.  I don't want that violence in my home. Period. Thankfully, my husband and I are on the same page. 

But maybe this is where we as parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends begin to make the change that President Obama spoke of when he said last night- 

"...We're not doing enough, and we will have to change."

How about thinking about what is under your tree this year or on your child's screen? 

Let's raise our sons and daughters to be compassionate, resilient and non violent one less video game at a time.

Butterflies in the Sisterhood

One of the most powerful gifts that can come out of a cancer experience are the people you meet along the way.  The "C" Club or the "Sisterhood" of breast cancer survivors, is not one that any of us choose, but once initiated, we embraced with open arms of compassion, practical advice or a knowing hug.  Within and without, there are numerous Angels -those wonderful souls who seem heaven sent to help or watch over you, and Butterflies, beautiful kind beings who are with you on your journey, who come to us in all sorts of ways.

Joining the Sisterhood, 2005
Encaustic, collage on wood
©2012NanciHersh

One such butterfly who I have shared my journey with is Maria Carzia Boyes.  I first met Maria - through a phone conversation when I heard from someone close to each of us that she needed a copy of our book to share with her young daughter Eva.  Later, when Maria was going through her treatment, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time. And unlike the first diagnosis 8 years ago, I would be facing chemo and radiation myself.  Maria and I would often check in with each other to see how it was going, what to expect and for some mutual support. We were able to chat easily and enjoyed checking in with each other, on the phone, email and FB- but had never met in person. 

Maria with her daughter Eva at
the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 2012

UNTIL I was in NY at my surgeons office for a follow up earlier this year.   After my examination I was asked to return to the waiting room to schedule a future appointment.  Lost in thought, I heard my name called and went up and sat at the desk when all of a sudden a woman with an electric smile comes up to me and says, "Nanci Hersh?" Never having met Maria in person I didn't recognize her, but coincidentally we had the same breast surgeon and had an appointment the same day.  Within moments we were hugging and continue to be cheerleaders for each other.  In October Maria was interviewed in Central Jersey. Com and now, you too can meet Maria and see what a beautiful butterfly truly looks like!

Eva, Maria and Jim


Who has been a butterfly in your journey?

Happy & Healthy

Tonight starts Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year.

The following prayer was composed by the students at Temple Beth El Religious School where my son is a student.

As our grandmother used to say... "from your lips to God's ears..."

Prayers for ourselvesAvinu malkenu (Our creator, our sovereign),

help us make more friends
help us get good grades
teach us to respect our parents
teach us to see things from other people’s perspectives
help us to stand up for what is right
show me how I can help the community
help us to make the world happy
keep us healthy and safe

Avinu malkenu, honenu va’anenu ki eyn banu ma’asim
asey imanu tzedakah vahesed vehoshi’enu
Prayers for our familiesAvinu malkenu,

help us spend more time together
grant us peace and quiet
help us to have a home
help us to stay happy and healthy
keep us safe
help us to get along better
help us to have jobs
help us to love one another

Avinu malkenu, honenu va’anenu ki eyn banu ma’asim
asey imanu tzedakah vahesed vehoshi’enu
Prayers for the worldAvinu malkenu,

teach all people to pick up their trash
inspire everyone to be nice to the world
make sure everyone is okay
give everyone enough to eat
teach everyone to treat each other nicely and equally
grant everyone a bright future
let there be peace
free all people
let everyone be who they are and be accepted for it

Avinu malkenu, honenu va’anenu ki eyn banu ma’asim
asey imanu tzedakah vahesed vehoshi’enu

Losing my Perfection(ism)

One Year ago...
According to my husband, I do have a perfectly shaped head!

I should be good at this, which is a funny way to start a blog post about perfection(ism)- with a "should"- but I guess that's the point. 

With cancer treatments behind me, and all visible signs of the past year and a half no longer front and center, the word survivor seems to be hovering uncomfortably around me. My friend and yoga buddy, Evelyn Zak recently just sent me Susan Gubar's excellent blog post Not a Cancer Survivor from the NYTimes Online. Like Susan and the women in her article, I too, cringe at that term for many, if not all of her reasons.

In particular, the part about being heroic.  We are part of a society where we have, as Susan Gubar states "An American propensity to circulate stories of valiant individuals triumphing over great odds must make people coping with recurrent, chronic or terminal illness feel like duds."  And more often than not these stories include not only triumphing over great odds but often changing their lives, or reinventing themselves, coming out the other side reborn with a new appreciation and outlook on life.

And that's where the perfection(ism) comes in. The need (my need) to be the perfect survivor. The one who is (always) grateful, strong, resilient and inspiring to others as I lose all my bad habits (like perfectionism) and become a modern day Jewish Mother Teresa, while making art and surfing around the world homeschooling my children and giving them a real life meaningful education. 

Often I am or can be any of those things, but not always, and not at the same time. Which makes me wonder if I am a "good enough" survivor.  When I tearfully shared this with another friend recently, we had a good laugh through my tears- at the absurdity of it all. 

So as I disclaim the title Survivor I can give myself permission to lose my perfection(ism) and appreciate the fact that we are all learning how to do this, whatever this is.  

Lose the lable, find a moment of peace. perhaps.

and now that head is covered in waves!

Talking to Kids about Cancer

Why we do what we do...  our hearts are filled with gratitude that we could help someone, as so many of you have helped me.

I received this email from Ashlie Krejci, a friend of a friend, a "sister" who I have yet to meet. I had heard that Ashlie needed our book, surgery was imminent and she didn't know how to tell her two young sons about her breast cancer. (sound familiar?- all too- for me!) Ashlie is now home recovering and took the time to send me this email today.  

Nate's drawing from
Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings: When someone you love has cancer... a hopeful, helpful book for kids
©2012McVicker&Hersh, LLC

Thank you so very much for this beautiful gift.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and tears that a stranger would go to such length to get this book for us.

My son has asked us to read it to him every night.  It has helped us explain what we thought would be so impossible to a 4 year old.  Now he talks about "cells" all day long.  He says someday my cells will be good again and it makes me so happy that he understands!  He demonstrates his understanding by saying that his cells are pink and healthy like Daddy and Chase's and that mine are black and sick.  He then goes on to say that he is sad mine are so sick but that someday my cells will be pink and good again too.  I feel like crying every time he says this but instead I smile because I realize that because he understands what's going on he is able to verbalize his feelings and not be afraid.  He has also started drawing a lot of his emotions after seeing your pictures.  He draws me with no hair and then draws an assortment of hats that he says we can cut out and tape to my bald head when the medicine starts to make my hair fall out. 

I never could have imagined a four year old boy being able to grasp these concepts with such maturity-but YOU helped him with that!

I will be forever grateful to you and this book!

                                                                                  Ashlie Krejci

My heart sings.

Survivorship: Owning Up

This past weekend was the AMC Relay for Life at Unionville High School, PA- (The local paper in this article cited Nanci as the author, not illustrator, and spells Hersh wrong, but- hey they mentioned our book Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings!)

The water and also bead station, where you took a bead
and put it on a string for every lap you took

Survivor

nouna person who survives, esp. a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died : the sole survivor of the massacre.• a person who copes well with difficulties in their life: : she is a born survivor.

It was a first for me. I had been a part of cancer awareness events- either speaking about our book, or on the sidelines- signing and selling copies. But had yet to walk the walk, i.e. take a Survivor's Lap.

Maybe it is the word survivor.  We all face challenges and I didn't think I was really any different. But it has been a heck of a year and I was there because my sons, Griffin and Nate wanted to be there- supporting others- and me.  They were there with their own teams, raising money, and walking and walking- for me. I was proud, honored, and touched, and so I was there, too, owning up.  

The Longwood Rotary did a great job organizing the event; fun activities round the clock and perfect weather to boot!

Had a great time on Friday night meeting some amazing people, talking story as they say in Hawaii, and yes selling books with a portion going back to Relay for Life.  I went home around 10 pm but Griffin, Nate and friends spent the night.  I found a couple of very tired boys in the morning...

Nate's tiny head hidden in plaid

Griffin opted to sleep in the middle of the track field-
with two of his teammates

My buddy Kathy Hrenko, Executive Director of  Kennett After School Association After-the-Bell
and Longwood Rotary member in charge of Survivorship
taking some peaceful morning laps

Shane and Nate at the Community Breakfast
which concluded the Relay for Life

 Pancakes at the end of a long night seem to be the perfect icing on the cake!

Thanks for Longwood Rotary and the American Cancer Society for your efforts in bringing the community together to raise money, awareness and offer support to all of us.

Love Letter

Yes... we LOVE getting these letters...

Backpack
Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings: When someone you love has cancer... a hopeful, helpful book for kids
©2012McVicker&Hersh,LLC

 

"Your book has made a difference for the children of the patients.  We give them out so that they can read the story and relate to it.  We are getting more and more children and grandchildren here to visit or stay with their loved one.  We have a special program that is dedicated to the children and give each child their own backpack with age specific activities and books in each one.  We know that each day can seem like a week when you are waiting around for all the doctor’s appointments."

Kind regards,
John

 

John WilsonMaterials Management/Purchasing Agent

Cancer Treatment Centers of America®